Dreaming of a Desert Christmas

When I first moved to Arizona from Minnesota in 1992-ish, I thought that I would miss having a white Christmas. Little did I know that sunny skies with temps in the mid-70's in December is pure bliss. We arrived into Phoenix on Christmas Eve. Kapono was an angel on his first flight -- no joke. I told Emiliano that I couldn't have scripted a more perfect travel experience. We had the bounty of running into an honored friend, Ms. Erica Toussaint, who regaled us with inspiring stories from her recent travels to the Baha'i SED Conference in Orlando, while we waited for our (thankfully) on-time flight. We sat in the front row (economy) which meant just enough legroom for Kapono to sit/stand/stumble around at our feet. He began to nurse during take-off and was asleep before we hit our final cruising altitude. He slept 2 hours, played the final hour with our Filipina neighbor, and was a wide-eyed gem Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. Of his many gifts of books, clothes, and toys, he most enjoyed the shimmery gift-wrap bows.

Winter Wonderland

One good thing about snow in Chicago is getting to see Kapono bundled up in a snowsuit :-)

Should Be Studying

This has been my mantra since I began classes in September. I feel like there's this omnipresent shadow of "should be studying" looming over me this quarter. These classes are insane. I'm going through my chem getting the right answers not even understanding the questions let alone how I actually got them correct! So, I played hooky today from studying to visit Shedd Aquarium with, as Husayn put it, our village of Husayn, Amia, Katie, Elsa, Liz, Olivia, Kerina and crew, and me and Kapono. Hands down, those beluga whales are always my favorite -- I learned that their lumpy heads are actually called melons, how endearing. And, they had a bonafide "baby beluga", which Liz and I hummed throughout the day because we're moms and that's what moms do, hum silly, sweet songs that you pick up along the way and never imagine you'll sing in public without caring who hears you as long as it brings a smile to your baby's face.

Speaking of, in the car last night driving home from the Arboleda's, I told Emiliano that in the next world, what I know I will most from the "material" world, is my baby's face. I will miss the physical experience of being able to look at him, at least I think I will. I remember telling Rachel when he was a newborn that I would miss him if he napped too long...I can still relate to that feeling, like I need my hourly Kapono fix. I know this feeling must change or transform in some way as your children grow, otherwise how would parents make it through the day when their children grow up and move on and move out and move away? I look back at earlier Kapono pictures and I'm already aching inside at how much he's grown.

I always thought it was almost pathetic (I know that sounds terrible, but true!) at how some parents' worlds seemed to revolve around their children, but now I get it and I know now that the only way to get it is to become a parent. People have compared parenting to natural disasters, which oddly enough, is maybe the best comparison I've ever come across (i.e. the difference between learning/hearing about parenting vs. actually doing it is like the difference between watching a tornado on TV vs. having the roof actually blown off your house), but I was thinking the other day that maybe an easier comparison to relate to is a rollercoaster ride. There's no way to know what the ride is like unless you've done it and it's really hard to try to describe it to someone who's never experienced it. And maybe in the beginning, when you're ascending that first steep climb, you're wondering why you ever got on in the first place...and you're hanging on for dear life when you take that first 90-degree drop, and you keep hanging on because you have to but, at least for me, you're also loving it and by the end, you can't wait to get back on.

A former colleague told me that raising his 3 children is the only part of his life that he would re-live if he could and I totally didn't get it because I was thinking of months of sleep deprivation and messy diapers followed by potty training then puberty, etc. but I'm starting to get it now. You just love them so much it hurts and it breaks your heart to see them growing so fast and so beautifully and you just want it to last somehow because there is so much joy. I once read that happiness in life really comes from feeling happy often vs. feeling really super happy every now and then, i.e. the frequency vs. the intensity. And I think as a parent you get both, feeling really super happy A LOT.

Random fact, rollercoaster rides are actually addicting and therapeutic, on some kind of physiological level, something to do with the adrenaline rush and the intensity of feeling. Kind of like laughing really hard, you're feeling intensely in the moment and you're experiencing both a physical and emotional response which is apparently addicting and therapeutic. Kind of like loving your kids.

Fall in Chicago

My pre-med (chem and physics) classes are a lot harder than I thought they would be, hence, the lack of new posts for the last couple of months. Although this picture is already outdated by about a month, yes, it's a real pumpkin. We're debating between a bumblebee or a green dragon for Kapono's first Halloween. Decisions, decisions...

Vibe Kill

So, despite last night's optimistic and gushing "ahhh...pregnancy" post, I woke up in the middle of the night with stomach cramps (bad Middle Eastern food?) and an aching back and Kapono had a wicked sleep schedule. He was wide awake and ready to play at 3am. Needless to say, the combination of these things was major vibe kill on my "ready-to-be-pregnant-again" mood ;)

But We Already Have a Baby!

Emiliano and I have been gifted with a special community of many young parents. Just tonight, we found out that another dearly loved friend of ours is pregnant (this makes the 5th friend who is expecting sometime this fall/winter). After I got married, I couldn't get enough of weddings -- gathering for the sole purpose of celebrating and honoring a lifetime commitment of love. Now, having recently experienced pregnancy, childbirth, and new parenthood, it's a similar feeling -- I feel almost giddy when I hear that someone is pregnant -- I just can't get enough of celebrating and honoring this new life. I know what a miraculous journey is in store for the new parents, particularly the mother, and I feel blessed to somehow be a part of it -- there is a magic surrounding babies and I want to be near enough to feel that magic.

Well, maybe I got too close tonight ;-) because for the first time since my own child's birth, I felt ready, really ready, to be pregnant again. And that is HUGE (no pun intended). And when I say ready, I mean ready...ready to endure 40 weeks (give or take) of morning-noon-&-night sickness, an overactive bladder, an aching back and swollen feet...and the list goes on. But then there's the flip side...40 weeks of nurturing my child, feeling him grow and move within me, hearing his heartbeat, tracking his progress, guessing his features (my eyes, his father's nose?), anxiously waiting to *meet* him.

I told Emiliano tonight, "I feel ready to be pregnant again" and I added, "Everybody else is pregnant", almost like, everyone else is getting pregnant, why not us?

His reply, "But we already have a baby!" :P

Cousins

My favorite pix from a recent visit by my brother, Ken, and his daughter, Kaia Min

Are these cousins CUTE or what?!? Kapono is 6 months & 3 weeks and Kaia just turned 3 on August 1. Insane amounts of cuteness!

King of the Bongo Bong

For Tio Timoteio

A Bongo-er Is Born

Kapono-bear got baby bongos. Is there anything cuter than a baby and a baby bongo set? Emiliano purchased musical instruments from Uncle Jon, China-bound, and Kapono is quickly catching onto the drumming concept. As I watched him slap his palms onto the bongo skins, I wondered if we'll be regretting introducing him to drums when he reaches his teenage years? Actually, I confess ...I love the thought of Kapono as a musician, like his daddy.

He turned 6 months this past Friday and the time has gone by so quickly it's almost dizzying. Someone mentioned the other day that I didn't seem like an exhausted mom and I thought, you didn't see me three months ago! Although, I admit that I feel spoiled by Kapono. He's happy and healthy and mellow and makes parenting a joy.

And, is it only us, or is the sky a little less blue and the future a little less bright now that Harry Potter has come to an end? I simply couldn't bear it when I finished Book 7 so I started the series all over again with Book 1 the very same day (despite my looming final this week). I've decided to treat myself to a Harry Potter fest now that summer school is coming to a close & I'll have about 4-6 weeks before I start classes in the fall.

Auntie Kelly, Uncle Kenny & cousin Kaia arrive soon (yes, I know, what is the weird "K" obsession in this family?) and we just can't wait!

King of the Bongo

Waking Up with Daddy

Caught Again

Summertime

I've missed m'blog! We've had guests galore -- which has been wonderful, especially for Kapono bear. Auntie Kristen and Uncle Oliver are in town now along with Carlos and Kerina and crew. Carlos and Kerina have 4 (yes, 4!) children between ages 10 months and 6 (yes, 10 months and 6!!) and just being around them w/Kapono the past few days has confirmed my desire to have more children, particularly to enrich Kapono's life with zany siblings to adore and stimulate him. It's been remarkable to see how entranced he is with the children and how interactive they all are together. I can already see in just these few days how younger siblings reach developmental milestones more quickly simply because they have older role models to stimulate them. Kapono watches Kalima (10 months) racing around on all fours and I can see him at 5 months trying to figure out how to do it himself.

I'm hanging on for dear life with classes and work. I've realized that I can somewhat sanely keep my head above water with new motherhood along with work or class but the combination of the 3 puts me into overdrive. Patient Emiliano has had to endure a stressed out nursing mom, not a good combination.

Emiliano's show tonight at Refuge was the jam: line-up of Nathan Davis, Patrick Parrish & co, Paolo, and the Quickeners. Photos courtesy of Emeric to follow.

New Blog on the Block

There's a new blog on the block. Check it: Emiliano (aka iDad)

In other news, Kapono is SITTING UP. This is huge. He's wobbly, but on his way. I read that mastering sitting is the first step towards crawling! I used to think that Kapono got bored with just lying down and I think I was right. Now, when we lie him down -- he gets so frustrated. We sit him up and he's all smiles. I wonder if the world looks and feels very different from this new vantage point.

Another new development -- eating his toes. We knew this day would come...

And more news, I aced my first round of exams in both bio and algebra (whew!) and 2 of my 3 MAJOR work meetings for the summer finished last week (double whew!) So, even though it's not necessarily smooth sailing from here on out, it sort of feels like it. At least, I can see the light at the end of my crazy summer schedule...

P.S. Emiliano turns 28 on July 3! There will be fireworks nationwide to celebrate ;-)

Caught in the Act!

Self-Portraits of Tummy Time, Mom & Kapono

I'm It! 7 Things...

Got *tagged* to share 7 random things...

1. Okay, I already posted this on Hank's blog, but I must have the driver and passenger side windows rolled down to even lengths, if they're not, I will mess around with the power window switch until they are (I'm getting worried that I may be revealing too much of my OCD tendencies with this confession).

2. I really dig vocabulary, as in, when someone uses just the right word to capture just the right moment, I really, really dig it.

3. I am a foosball shark, in fact, my brother is the only person I know that can beat me (for anyone who knows Amir, he and I still need to play the tie-breaking 3rd round of our Louhelen match).

4. Blackberries are my favorite fruit.

5. Last night, I got really scared in bed thinking about scorpions and rattlesnakes, which are far too prevalent (see, nice vocab, eh?) in Arizona. I just remembered how in Az I twice almost picked up a scorpion in my house because I was walking around without my contacts/glasses and saw what I thought was brown *fuzz* on the carpet & how Emiliano found a rattlesnake (!!!) slithering around in his parent's bathroom when he was a teen. Those are 2 perfectly good reasons to raise Kapono in the Midwest.

6. Kapono inherited my favorite features of his father's: nose, brows, fingers, and toes.

7. This is a given, but my absolute most favorite thing in the world right now is my achingly, breathtakingly beautiful son.

Below: Kapono in his newly arrived *hanbok* hat -- he will wear the full traditional Korean dress for his one year birthday

How Moms Do Math

So, I did not know that it was possible to feel even more tired beyond being a new nursing mom, but I've discovered that adding a full summer school courseload will do the trick :P Hence, this photo of how moms really get things done.

In the world of Kapono, our lil' guy had his 2nd round of immunizations today :( which is no fun for anyone. On a lighter note, he's 26 inches long and 19 lbs 2 oz (compared to 22 in & 7 lbs 14 oz at birth). We are just so proud of him -- I think it's the neatest thing that we adults are so proud of babies for simply doing things like growing taller and bigger. His pediatrician joked that he must've read the chapter on 4 month olds because he's doing all those things that 4 months old tend to do...rolling over back to belly (it's the cutest thing, too, b/c he rolls himself over & then gets *so* frustrated to be on his belly but Emiliano & I are both thinking, you're the one that got yourself there -- have fun with it!), knawing anything that he can get his hands (and gums!) on, smilling, cooing, giggling, and the gradual face to floor motion when he's seated. I'm still in awe of his dark, dark eyes and Emiliano & I will do just about anything for his smiles.

Kapono's Photo Shoot

Check out these too beautiful photos from our mid-morning photo shoot with budding baby photographer extraordinaire Liza

The first photo that you link to shows a recent Kapono developent -- he's discovered his toes! What does this mean?!? ;-)

Why I Love Weekend Mornings

This Is How Tired We Really Are

Today is June 10, 2007. 4 years and 2 days ago, Emiliano and I got married on June 8, 2003, in Arivaca, Arizona. He and I completely forgot this all important fact until earlier this afternoon when a long-lost friend mentioned that he and his wife were celebrating their 5 year anniversary in 20 days and I said, "Wow. Our anniversary's coming up, too...wait, what's the date today?" Emiliano said that he was happy because I'd forgotten, too. This is how tired new parents really are. Our belated anniversary dinner tonight was Basha's (fine Lebanese cuisine which I think might actually be better than *gasp* Pita Inn) and which we discovered does not have a changing table in the restroom. [Side note -- why is that the women's restroom is usually the only restroom equipped with a changing table?!?] Happy anniversary to us!

Life As A Mom

So I've decided to re-enter the world of blogging in an effort to better chronicle my new life as a mom (or my life as a new mom?), but more importantly, to remember the tiny details of Kapono's babyhood. He is 17 weeks and a day and it takes my breath away how quickly the time has passed. I remember hearing people say that they can't remember life before their children...well, I can remember life before Kapono but it was a different life -- a little less chaotic and exhausting, but also a little less miraculous.

Emiliano and I are still in the awestruck phase of being Kapono's parents -- sometimes we just gaze at him, drinking in his beauty, marveling at our creation, well, God's creation, but we do take some credit! I tell people that we couldn't be happier with Kapono and it's the absolute truth. I find myself already nostalgic for his newborn days, although, it also feels like parenting gets better with time. And it also feels like Kapono has acclimated a litte more to life outside the womb. The concept of the 4th trimester (Dr. Karp) makes a lot of sense to me -- I mean, babies spend an average of 40 weeks (nearly a year!) inside the womb, it's logical to think that they would need a little time to adjust to life outside of it. I remember writing a poem in college with the opening line "I awake in liquid life..." and I wonder about that now -- life inside the womb. It boggles my mind to think that some people actually remember that experience. I feel so disconnected from my own babyhood, not in a bad way, just a not-able-to-remember way.

So...chronicling Kapono...today, after a sort-of lazy morning (there really is no such thing as *lazy* in a parent's existence), we had a lovely time visiting with friends at a beach party for dearest Negin and Lev, who get married tomorrow!!! What is still amazing to us is how good-natured Kapono is about being passed from person to person -- especially being a part of such a large and vibrant Baha'i community, Kapono has lots of aunties and uncles to adore him. Last night, we dined at Ethiopian Diamond, also part of the pre-wedding festivities, and the wait staff there just couldn't get enough of him. One of the ladies even took him behind the bar while she worked!

Well, my most favorite things about Kapono lately have been his giggling, his ticklishness on his back and his neck (just like Uncle Kenny), kissing his nostrils (yes, his nostrils!), and his *talking*. He's also so sweet and snuggly -- and he sleeps beautifully at night, meaning, he actually sleeps A LOT. I'm also crazy about his hands and his toes (miniatures of his father's) and his dark, dark eyes -- I realized just yesterday that his eyes are even darker than mine (which are darker than Emil's). The brown of his eyes is almost as dark as his pupil right now -- which only adds to his overall gorgeous-ness, of course. Kapono is also really enjoying the sight of himself (and mom!) in the mirror thesedays. I'll hold him, cheek to cheek, and rock towards the mirror and he scrunches his nose and laughs. I read that it's not until 7-8 months that babies recognize their own reflections but he really does smile when he sees his own sweet face.

Emil will often look at Kapono and then say something along the lines of "we are so blessed" or "we got so lucky" and I think that really captures how I feel -- blessed and lucky in my life as a mom.